Friday, January 11, 2008

9 Dangerous Words or Phrases Women Use

After sixty-two years, I'd better have learned a thing or two about women. I've learned a lot more in the last few years, and now am beginning to counsel younger men.

But....there are some things a young man just has to find out himself. My Beloved's younger brother sent her, and me, the follwing email:

#1 FINE: This is the word that women use to end an argument when they are right and you just need to shut up!

#2 FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting ready, this means a half an hour. Five minutes is only really five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before running an errand or doing a chore.

#3 NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with "nothing" usually end in "fine"!

#4 GO AHEAD: This is a trick, a dare, not permission. If she says it in that tone, with her head slightly tilted and her eyes open wide, DON'T DO IT!

#5 LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but it is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you.

#6 THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. "That's okay" usually means that it's not okay and you are going to pay dearly for that mistake!

#7 WHATEVER: This is a woman's way of saying #$%^&*!!! #8 THANKS: A woman is thanking you, do not question her, or faint, just say "you're welcome". (I want to add in a clause here, "thanks" is much different than "thanks alot". DO NOT say you're welcome after "thanks alot" as it will bring on a "whatever"!)

#9 DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I GOT IT: This is another dangerous statement, be very worried about it! It means this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but she is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "what's wrong"? To which she will respond "nothing"!

I wrote back to my young friend and offered the following sage advice:

Dear ______, (I do not want to embarass anyone)

Yes, Matthew, I've seen it before. In fact, the odds are that the older a man gets, the more he's going to see this. Men who are seeing it for the first time think it's a joke and send it to others (usually men, seldom women, except sisters, because of an unrecognized primal fear that can't yet be identified or acknowledged at this stage). It is not a joke. Wise elders know this and whisper to other wise elders in private when they meet without their women: "guys beware."

Women who send it to a man also place it in the context of a joke, but they know in their darkest heart that it's really a warning not to %#$&!! with them....especially smart women. Smart men know not to %#$&!! with them, only love them, sometimes ravishing them, but never %#$&!!ing with them.

I know you probably don't believe me, now, but you will....

The email came back as undeliverable. I've done what I can.


Anonymous said...

I am uncertain, after reading this post twice, if Gary is aware that this yucka-yucka ha-ha list of nine words women say is very misogynistic? This list is very denigrating and disrespectful. You get that, right, Gary? I am surprised that a so-called 'integral' expert could be so negative towards half the human race and to be seemingly unconscious about it.

Gary Stamper said...

I've never claimed to be an integral "expert," and I'm sorry your perspective sees this as disrespectful. Which half of the human race is it you feel I'm being unconscious about? This post celebrates very real and honored differences between men and women, and is much more about men than women. Both men and women carry shadow aspects which I believe are addressed in a loving and humorous way. To ignore any of our qualities, positive or negative, men and women, is burying our heads in the sand and unconscious, in my opinion.

Mandi Jones said...

These 9 ways are true. Ladies havent you noticed your man shuts down on you, or he starts laughing cause youre mad at something stupid. Rephrase how you talk and youll understand what a man thinks...respect him like you would want him to love you...

Gary Stamper said...

Mandi, I don't know you, but I'm sure you are wise beyond your years, unlike a previous comment from someone who's afraid to speak in [her?] own voice.