Integral Warriors Men's Group - The Challenge Deck Session

"It is time to evolve beyond the macho jerk ideal, all spine and no heart. It is time to evolve beyond the sensitive and caring wimp ideal, all heart and no spine. Heart and spine must be united in a single man, and then gone beyond in he fullest expression of love and consciousness possible, which requires a deep relaxation into the infinite openness of this present moment. And this takes a new kind of guts. This is the Way of the Superior Man." - David Deida.

This Tuesday, on what will be the last official meeting of the first Integral Warriors Men's Group, we'll be doing The Men's Challenge Deck: Practicing the Way of the Superior Man.

The Men's Challenge Deck is a deck of 88 cards to be used as a tool for men's personal and spiritual growth. Each card offers a challenge for a man to carry out - either alone or with others - that will help him clarify his deepest life purpose and live his fullest gifts in each moment.

The Challenge Deck takes "male bonding" a step further than eating and watching a game together.

What is a Men's Challenge Session? Is this a game?

The "sessions" are to help you live on the edge. And believe me, after reading through some of the cards, they can be challenging. Surprisingly enough, the low challenges can seem more challenging at times. We will be choosing from the low challenge cards.

What are the Rules?

1. Every man must commit to follow through on their challenges before the session begins. If everyone is not authentically committed, we will not begin the session. Instead, we'll address why the required commitment is not there.

2. The deck will be shuffled and the first man will be dealt a card. The man dealt the card should read it aloud to the group unless the card instructs otherwise. No other cards will be dealt until the first man has followed through on his challenge.

3. The man dealt the card does whatever the challenge demands of him. The others present should not interrupt or interfere unless the the challenge card allows for interaction. At any time, the man dealt the card may propose a modification to the challenge if he believes it better serves him and the group, or if a health challenge impacts the challenge. The group must consent.

4. Any consequences required by an unmet challenge, or an inauthentic one as judged by the group, should be determined by the group (Keep the discussion within 2 minutes).

5. When a man finishes with his card, place it in a discard pile separate from the rest of the deck.

6. After everyone has taken a turn, there will be a debriefing discussion so that experiences may be integrated and learning may be shared, an opportunity to build trust through open communication and support.

From Geoff Fitch's Amazon review:

The Challenge Deck is a great tool for growth. This is not about having more success at work or in you relationship as much as, like the Way of the Superior Man, it is about living your life as an expression of your deepest truth (although achieving that certainly might improve your work and relationships).

Every card gives you something to do, either right there in the moment or over a few days, that challenges you to live with more integrity, more openness, more aligned with your deepest purpose. These are not easy new age prescriptions-I knew the deck was powerful when, after looking at the cards, I got a twinge in my stomach and said, "oh, no!" (actually something amazon.com wouldn't print), realizing that the challenges would clearly push me and were things I wanted to do to grow.

Highly recommended! As a man, you can't avoid growing if you take on these challenges.

Integral Warriors: Meeting 7, Never Change Your Mind Just To Please Your Woman

....Or anyone else, for that matter. Whether your partner, your parents, your kids, your boss...

"If a woman suggests something that changes a man's perspective, then he should make a decision based on that new perspective, but he should never betray his
own deepest knowledge and intuition in order to please his woman or "go along' with her. Both she and he will be weakened by such an action. They will grow to resent each other, and the crust of accumulated inauthenticity will burden their love, as well as their capacity for free action."

So opens Chapter 6 from David Deida's The Way of the Superior Man. At this weeks' meeting, we examined what it means to trust our own wisdom, and where we sometimes weaken and fail to stand up to our deepest truth to please others.

This often happens between a man and woman, but can also apply to other areas of your life. How do your actions and your trust, or lack of trust, of your own wisdom affect those around you? Are you someone who can be trusted? Do you make your decisions from your deepest realization or to please others?

Deida says an attitude of self-trust engenders others' trust in you. How's your self-trust doing, and how are you doing with your self trust? And finally, how do we build our self trust?

I've given up my power in the past, reclaimed it (and wound up in divorce, which was the right thing). The only time I was ever fired was because I refused to do something my boss wanted me to do that was clearly illegal.

My Beloved sometimes asks if I'm making a particular choice because of her, and as tempting as it is to say "yes" to please her, the truth is that my yes would ultimately undermine our relationship and her trust in my masculine. I'm delighted my choices benefit her, but make no mistake: that's not why I choose it.

I also deeply honor that my choices have been sparked by her through the light of intimacy, Realization, and Embodiment of what I call Big Love Integral, or conscious integral relationship.....but they are still very much my choices, and I accept complete responsibility for them, right or wrong.

Living My Deepest Realization

Yesterday I wrote about a man's deepest realization with an adaptation from the book Intimate Communion by David Deida. Today I'm writing about what it means to me, personally, to live that deepest realization.

My sense is that most men simply have no idea what this means. Upon an initial examination, it's easy to confuse it with one's purpose, or mission, but it's actually much more simple than that: A man's deepest realization comes about simply by being totally present in the moment...and this moment...and this moment.....

Who are you when you connect to being fully present in each moment? What is your essence at that point when you let go of creating your story about yesterday, which no longer exists except as a memory, and tomorrow, which simply doesn't exist at all except as an expectation or a desire?

For me, it's not about being perfect at one thing - it's about being present at whatever I'm doing, and connecting to my source, whether I'm doing dishes, cleaning, being with my beloved, working at my purpose, or doing nothing at all. It's not about being enlightened, for to seek enlightenment would rob me of my freedom. When I'm present in the moment, it's as if the moment is luminous, and I am the witness to all that arises in that moment.

So how does a man do this? How do I do this? For me, it's based on my meditation practices of three years of sitting, and then having the realization that every moment is a meditation practice, an awareness of non-separation, a unity consciousness, and no longer feeling the need to sit, but to just be.

It doesn't mean that I'm not triggered, or that I don't plan for tomorrow, think about yesterday, hurt, cry, laugh. It means I do it all consciously, recognizing everything, and that I'm not tied to it. It's flexibility, it's flow, and it's freedom. And it's art....and it's love.

So stop reading this, take a deep breath, and relax into the the present moment....there is nothing else.

Integral Warriors: The Importance of Living On Your Edge

"Freedom, power, fear, money, sex, enlightenment, death, wisdom, excellence, challenge, transcendence, purpose--living at your edge is the masculine form of spiritual practice. No man is truly happy unless he is living a life of facing his fears and transcending them in his quest to give the gift he was born to give." - David Deida

What does it take for a man to live a masculine life of integrity, authenticity, and depth? What does it mean to live at, or just beyond your edge?

Being at our edge is about embracing fear and uncertainty, about growing, and about getting out of our comfort zone because staying comfortable in one spot too long is really like dying. Yes, there are times when we should relax, times for reflection, and time to be alone to rediscover our mission or purpose, but then we have to climb back out of the safety of our cocoon and embrace life. A man is not fully satisfied unless he is on purpose in his life.

There are too many places that I live on my edge to talk about here, and it appears to be something I'm quite good at, but there's one place I'd like to share with you. It's about facilitating the men's group, "Integral Warriors." When I was putting the group together, and not sure it would happen, a co-worker asked, "what makes you qualified to lead a men's group?" I could have turned that into a self-limiting belief, but instead followed my heart, where I knew inside that this is part of my purpose. I wrote about it to Anyaa, my beloved, last night:

The Men's group was amazing last night! I spoke about my edge at the group, even speaking to the fact that group is my edge (who am I to lead such a group of amazing men?), but here I am stepping into it successfully, and each of them loves the group and shows up every 2 weeks to be in the space I've created......Then their gratitude came up around what I've done, and how even the men who belong to MKP and other groups consider this their favorite and most provocative group......what a blessing!!!!

It's all about living at your edge and the quickening of sacred awakening through doing so, being alive and on purpose.

Are are you living at, or slightly beyond, your edge? Why not? What's stopping you?

photo of Gary at the top of Mt. Si, in Washington

Spiritual Exploration for Men

Drinking beer, sports, and watching TV can be a lot of fun for men, but they're not exactly ways that we can push each others' edges. Being masculine at later stage consciousness, and living the life men most deeply desire, requires that we face our fears, open against the urges to close down, overcome what's getting in the way of our inertia, find our direction, and be authentic.

The Men's Challenge Deck, by Rob Biagini, and based on David Deida's book The Way of the Superior Man, is designed to help men connect with their deepest levels. It's purpose is "to create safe, structured situations where men challenge each other to overcome perceived limitations and and learn together from their experiences."

The deck is to be used in groups whose direct purpose is to enhance each member's personal and spiritual growth through the practice of encouraging each man to live at his edge. The men's group I facilitate, Integral Warriors: Embodying the New Masculine. is just such a group.

We are here to encourage, scold, love, challenge, consult with, listen to, learn, cry, and laugh with each other; to share what's going on with each other, in our lives and our missions. Most importantly, this group reflects the truth about myself to me.

We often see ourselves differently than the rest of the world sees us. It can be be both a great gift and shock to receive this kind of feedback. In the words of the Scottish poet Robert Burns:

Oh wad some power the giftie gie us,
tae see ouerselves as ithers see us.