Monday, September 04, 2006

More on Integral Relationship

Some of us at SeattleIntegral are talking about starting a new subgroup: Integral Relationship.

How do we be in relationship from an AQAL (All-quadrants, All Levels) perspective? Not just intimate relationship with a beloved, but also in our daily lives with the people we work with, immediate and extended family, people we just come into contact with (although I readily admit I would like to have one of those intimate relationships with a beloved).

I'm reading Conscious Loving: The Journey to Co-Commitment by Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks. It's described as a way to be fully together without giving up yourself. I heartily recommend it. Nothing new. Which is precisely what makes this so good. This is the stuff of time-tested common sense. From an Amazon review: "If the Hendricks message is to be boiled down to one catch-phrase, it would simply be: "wake up." It is not so much about change, as it is about living with our eyes open, fully aware (conscious) of why we do what we do, how we feel while we are doing it, and which way we will go next. Instead of moving through a fog, we instead make conscious choices." It also demands we hold ourselves and our partners accountable.

Conscious choices. How do I live my life at this very moment? It's a question I'm constantly asking myself whether I'm writing, responding to a discussion on the SeattleIntegral list, talking to a customer or co-worker, and in every conversation I have. How'm I doing? I am constantly challenged and constantly falling short. What's the single most important element to trying to succeed? Compassion with accountability. Even when your buttons are pushed. Even when you want to dig back back.

Conscious Loving also has a discussion forum which can be found here. Trying to be conscious and accountable in our relationships is a practice we could all use and beneift from. I know very few arenas in life that have as much impact on us as relationship, from the moment we gasp for our first breath, and until the moment when we take our last. We simply must include relationship in an integral practice.

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