It is here that the power struggle begins.
"First of all, we choose our partners for two basic reasons: (1) they have both the positive and negative qualities of the people who raised us, and (2) they compensate for positive parts of our being that were cut off in childhood. We enter the relationship with the unconscious assumption that our partner will become a surrogate parent and make up for all the deprivation of our childhood. All we have to do to be healed is form a close, lasting relationship."
"After a time we realize that strategy is not working. We are "in love," but not whole. We decide that the reason our plan is not working is that our partners are deliberately ignoring our needs. They know exactly what we want, and when and how we want it, but for some reason, are deliberately withholding it from us. This makes us angry, and for the first time, we begin to see our see our partners' negative traits."
"Seldom or never does a marriage develop into an individual relationship smoothly without crisis. There is no birth of consciousness without pain." - Jung