by Gary Stamper, CPC, MSIP, DSPS
I continue even into today, letting that blog simmer in me and thought I might like a feminine perspective on my thoughts around the difficulties of the desire to step into a relationship in my advancing (there... I said it) years and what has clearly emerged as my elderhood relationship status: That of a single senior citizen, a difficult place at best with my Shamanic Astrological Chart pointing strongly at relationship and community as my purposes, neither of which I find myself in today.
In that respect, this time of being alone during the pandemic has had a positive side for me: It has allowed me time to really work on my relationship with me.
Her blog appears to be inactive since her last post there was in in mid-2016. On it were some links to her FB page, and others, and they all seemed to be inactive as well. I thought about searching for her some more, but the word "stalker" came to mind and I stepped back from that, not wanting to be that guy.
Anway, she'd written some very good blogs about being an "aging" woman, including the one I linked above about Why Boomer Women Stay Single. In that blog she points out that
"Women--who also like companionship and its fringe benefits--are faced with a tough decision. Having taken care of children, husbands, parents, pets, and plants for several decades, they find themselves kind of enjoying the freedom of singlehood. Popcorn for dinner, any movie or play, and no one snoring next to them. Hairy legs. Freedom to fart."
- Boomers are expected to live longer than any previous generation...but in poorer health. Blame it on the introduction of processed and fast foods in our youth.
- The average 50 year-old man takes four prescription drugs a day. It increases after that.
- Boomer men have a higher death rate for all ten top causes of death: Heart disease, cancer, injuries, cardiovascular disease, chronic respiratory diseases, pneumonia/flu, HIV-related, suicide and homicide.
- Boomer males who are recently divorced likely conceded half their assets in the process; they know they have little time to recoup the loss. They need a second income, pronto.
- They have a strong social network, with friends who are fun and supportive.
- They like the idea of dating or having a relationship without the burden of having to always compromise...or pick up after someone else.
- Their families are the priority, and they enjoy being with their adult children and grandchildren.
- They are better at managing their finances, partly because they have generally earned less than their male counterparts. They know how to make ends meet.
- And...only 33% of men want to date someone their own age. Once men divorce, they think younger women will find them (and their medical history) too hot to pass up. Same old, same old.
I suspect that the two women I refered to in my previous blog were wrestling with the same experiences and just had not fully come to terms with them... maybe.
husband has never been married."
Just like many women my age, I'm a man who also cherishes my alone time, to be able to do what I like to do when I want to do it. I don't want to move in with anyone, nor do I want someone to move in with me. I don't need their money and hopefully it will be a good while before I need a nurse. So far so good.
What I'm not looking for is a purse , a nurse, or worse... but a sweet and intelligent companion who has done her own inner work and isn't afraid to talk about what's on her mind without being triggered at every turn, and yet, understanding growth comes as a result of conflict (hopefully minor conflict), (along with some fringe benefits) sounds pretty good.
I envy couples who have mananged to stay together throughout the years, able to bear the inevitable storms of relationship.