Sunday, May 09, 2021

GROW EVEN WHEN YOU LOSE: The Value of Relationships That Don't Pan Out

by Gary Stamper, CPC, MSIP, DSPS

According to my Shamanic Astrology chart, I have the Libra Job in service to Capricorn Rising, which means, instead of the lone wolf warrior of my lineage, I am here---one of my purposes---to be in a non-hierarchical equal life partnership. 

The challenging part of this is that for thousands of years, the Capricorn Mystery school has been usurped by the extremely strange aberration known as hierarchical patriarchy and monotheistic religion which resulted in that pathology instead of the sacred evolution of the masculine. 

But the essence of Capricorn is similar to the Native American view of making no decision without considering seven generations to follow. It is the proper custodianship of resources that serve the planet and its people. It is the wise elder working with the circle of grandmothers. 

My Mars (the masculine) in Aries (the warrior) and my Capricorn Rising is a combination of the new evolving masculine, noble images of responsibility, and my chart says I can't do it alone. Conscious equal partnership is essential. 

My Venus archetype (the feminine, also in Aries), is the Warrior Amazon. The leading edge of the Aries archetype in the feminine is actually the very same quality that is generally projected on 80% of the yang masculine: the capacity to have this noble cause and purpose. Because of this Warrior Amazon within, it is also what I tend to project upon my partner.

It is this conscious collaboration in relationship that allows me to learn more about myself. It is this combination of conscious partnership and being able to demonstrate the capacity to embody the new masculine and the willingness to take on the responsibilities that enable me to become a teacher/elder.

In other words, being in a relationship is important to me because that's where the majority of my growth happens.

Since my divorce a few years ago, I met two women - not at the same time, thankfully - that I was interested in pursuing the possibility of a deeper relationship. Here's where I switch to telling this account as if I were talking to one person, which is what I was doing at the time. 

When I knew enough about her to know that I was looking at her as a potential partner, and feeling what I thought was her apparent growing reciprocation, I told her how I was feeling, and would she be interested in joining me on that adventure of discovery, with a caveat that she didn't have to answer at that moment but could think about it.

I never got an answer from either of them. In both instances, they began to slowly pull away and I could feel it. After a bit of time, I broached the subject again, and I could feel the depressing weight of the conversation we couldn't seem to have.

"She's just not into you." Yes, that's definitely possible, but mature people need to be to say that... and hear it.

In the case of one, I remember watching her as she struggled, dropping her eyes, looking down, not saying a word... and after an uncomfortable silence, I broke it by saying, "you don't have to say anything," trying to ease her discomfort, and I continued, saying, "I'm going to go now, and if you want to talk, call me."

... and I left.

That was the last time I saw her and driving home, I realized that she had meant more to me than I had known. I also realized that I meant less to her than I hoped I did and that she was simply unable to tell me what was wrong or communicate with me about her feelings, a quality that would - and did - doom a potential relationship even if it were not already doomed, and I couldn't blame her because I didn't know what she had experienced that had left her closed-off and unable to respond.

Both of these relationships, short as they were, forced me to look deeper within, to know myself a little better, and to understand more about what I want -and don't want - in a relationship. 

I'm extremely grateful to both of these awesome women for their contributions to my growth and awareness, even though my relationship with each was brief.

Meanwhile, I'm in Panama and I don't speak Spanish yet, and there's no organized Ex-Pat group here save for strays at the bars and, frankly, bars aren't really my thing after spending almost 10 years singing in bars, clubs, Vegas lounges, and concert halls with my bands.

I may meet someone someday, but right now, I'm fine alone. I want to find love, but I’m no longer actively looking for it.

I’m single AF, but it doesn’t actually bother me. I’ve got a full and happy life, multiple work outlets that give my life meaning, wonderful friends all over the world, family, and I’m truly comfortable with myself. I’m not against meeting a great woman, and I wouldn't walk away if love stepped up and slapped me in the face, but it’s just not a priority at this time. 

I'm busy creating my own life in a Caribbean "paradise," and, after that, who knows?

Just keep on growing...

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